ME3: The Definition of Stupidity
by KFish1
Summary: An Alliance Marine challenges an STG agent to a "friendly" boxing match aboard the SSV Nairobi. This won't end well for someone... SHORT story with all original characters.


"You know this is pretty much the definition of stupidity, right?" Miller asked. He stood leaning against a locker in the SSV Nairobi's gym, watching his buddy wrap his muscular wrists in boxing tape. Even though the cruiser had been part of a Task Force of ships launching raids behind enemy lines for the past month, the Nairobi still had that clean, new-ship smell.

Corporal Gibbs didn't bother to look up. They were both battle-tested Alliance Marines. He couldn't really just walk away from a fight, especially one with a scrawny Salarian who might be half his weight. "Relax, this has already been approved by the skipper. Admiral Singh wants us to 'bond' with our allies. What's better than a little sparing between friends?" Gibbs stopped wrapping just long enough to give his friend a wink and one of his trademark smiles.

Miller shook his head. "There is more to it than that and you know it." Recently he had noticed his friend was edgy. Sure it could have been the stress of continuous combat, fighting a race of eternal machines and their zombie-like foot soldiers, which were bent on the eradication of every advanced species living in the galaxy. But it might have been more than that.

"OK fine, maybe I have a grudge against that STG spook," Gibbs admitted. "Don't get me wrong, Chorleon is good to have in a fight. I'm just sick of him getting all the credit. We are supposed to be a team." He finished wrapping his wrists and stood to face his friend. "Last week on Noveria, you and I were pinned down on that landing platform, fighting off waves of Cerberus. Meanwhile, he is up top just picking off people with tech attacks. So how does he rack up the biggest kill ratio?"

Unable to argue, Miller just shrugged.

"Then the other day at that comm relay on Ontarom," Gibbs continued. He was really getting worked up now, "I make a break to disable that Reaper indoctrination device. Only I find Chorleon already halfway through the hack, safely cloaked from Reaper fire. Yeah it's easy to disable something like that during a battle when the enemy can't SEE you!"

Miller uncrossed his arms and held up his hands. "Hey man, we are all on the same team. Who cares who got the hack? Any day we beat off a Reaper attack and come home in one piece, I am happy."

Gibbs started warming up by punching the air in quick jabs, his massive arms working like pistons. "I know. I get it. I just wouldn't mind given that stuck up Salarian a little whooping. Just a little something to show him he's not top-dog in this fleet."

Miller shrugged. "I just hope you know what you are getting yourself into. These STG guys may not be the toughest physically, but there is a reason they haven't lost a war yet."

As he started out towards the ring, Gibbs gave a quick laugh. "Yeah, because they have never had to fight me!"

#

The gym was packed. It seemed everyone wanted to watch this Alliance Marine take on an STG Commando. The Task Force was comprised of a vast array of the galaxy's fiercest and most deadly fighters. The Alliance needed them all if they were going to have any chance of defeating the Reapers. Besides the obvious large contingent of human and Salarian spectators, the fight had also attracted Turians, a pair of Asari commandos, some Batarian mercenaries, a Drell, two massive Krogan warriors, and even a wayward Volus engineer.

With Gibbs and Chorleon in opposite corners, Miller stood in the middle of the ring, acting as referee. He called to quiet the crowd and then addressed the fighters. "Gentlemen, this is just a friendly fight for bragging rights between comrades. So everyone gets to leave here still breathing, alright?" He looked to both corners. Gibbs gave him another smile and a wink. He didn't realize that Miller had meant it more for the human's safety than for the Salarian's. "When the bell rings, the fight is on. This is a hand-to-hand fight only, so no weapons or tech attacks."

Chorleon stood upright and cocked his head towards Miller. "Oh, I didn't realize. My apologies." With that, the form of Chorleon shimmered and popped. Everyone had been looking at a decoy of the Salarian! Meanwhile, the real Chorleon de-cloaked, suddenly appearing just a few feet from Gibbs. "I thought this would have been an impressive opening move."

The crowd erupted. A mix of boos and laughter filled the gym. Gibbs pushed the Salarian back into his corner. "Damn it! This is boxing, not chess." He punched his gloves together and flexed his massive biceps. "The only opening move is when I knock your face in!"

Chorleon stood facing his opponent in his correct corner. Blinking his massive black eyes, he said simply. "I see. I am ready to proceed."

Miller looked to his friend one last time to see if he really wanted to go through with this. Gibbs nodded, convinced he would easily win the match if it came down to a battle of strength versus strength. Miller shrugged one last time and then rang the bell.

The crowd cheered as both fighters cautiously approached each other. Gibbs inched closer, looking like a massive juggernaut compared to the skinny Salarian. He gave a few quick jabs, but Chorleon ducked away easily before the human could make contact. Gibbs wound up to throw a massive punch, and that's when the Salarian struck.

With lightning quick reflexes, the STG operative snapped out his long arm. The slender fingers jabbed into Gibbs' throat, causing the human to gasp in pain as his airway was cut off. As Gibbs was raising his hands to unconsciously protect his throat from the searing pain, Chorleon dropped to one knee and then gave an upper-cut to Gibbs' groin.

All of the humans in the crowd, along with any alien who was familiar with the placement of human genitals, cried out in a combined, painful "Ohh!" as they watched Gibbs collapse to the floor like a bag of rocks. One of the Asari commandos put her hand to her mouth in shock, while the two Krogans simply laughed.

Miller waved Chorleon back to his corner and starting counting. "One... two... three..." but it was obvious to everyone that the fight was already over. Gibbs had lasted exactly six seconds.

As Miller continued to count, he was relieved to see Gibbs start to roll over, giving a stifled moan of excruciating pain. At least he wasn't dead. "Eight... Nine... Ten! That's it. Fight's over!" The humans in the crowd started booing, but no one was going to argue that the fight had been decided. Those who had bet on the fight started exchanging winnings. It seemed that only the humans had been dumb enough to bet against the STG agent.

#

Gibbs still sat in the center of the ring, slowly regaining his breath while clutching a bag of ice between his legs. Most of the Task Force's soldiers had cleared out, with a few stragglers telling Miller to give their condolences to the beaten fighter.

Chorleon finished his conversation with a Turian soldier, and then came over to check on his comrade. "Corporal Gibbs, I am glad to see you are starting to recover."

Gibbs coughed, his swollen trachea making it difficult to talk. "Don't... give me that! You... son of a..." and then leaned his head back and moaned again.

Miller came and put his hand on Chorleon's shoulder. "I don't think he wants to talk to you right now."

The Salarian cocked his head and blinked. "I apologize that I caused you pain, but that is the point of unarmed combat, is it not?"

Gibbs threw his bag of ice at the Salarian's head, but Chorleon ducked away as easily as he had dodged Gibbs' punches. The bag instead hit the bleachers and exploded into a shower of ice chips. "You don't punch someone in the junk!" Gibbs yelled. "That's dirty boxing!"

The Salarian raised a slender finger, and spoke with the air of a teacher bestowing a lesson upon a slow student. "I disagree. Using knowledge of my opponent's weakest areas, I used minimum force to achieve maximum effect. Therefore, I was able to quickly neutralize a much more powerful enemy before he could inflict any damage on me." He folded his arms behind his back and said proudly, "That is the doctrine which has allowed the Special Tasks Group to defeat larger, stronger enemies for millennium." Chorleon looked down at the human still crumpled up on the floor mat. "Going 'toe-to-toe' as you call it, facing strength against strength until one side is just slightly less bloodied than the other, is a very messy, yet human, way to wage war. It is the definition of stupidity."

"What about this being a friendly match?" Miller interjected. "You didn't have to put him down like that."

Chorleon smiled. "Your only stipulation was that we each leave here still breathing. I ensured Corporal Gibbs still met that criteria."

Gibbs coughed again and mumbled, "Barely."

"Consider this a friendly lesson in tactics. Do not mistake my more effective fighting style in the field for being less valorous than yours." Chorleon nodded to the two Marines and then turned to leave. "I look forward to our next mission together. Good day gentlemen."

The two humans watched silently as the STG agent walked confidently out of the gym. Miller then shook his head and looked down at his buddy. "I warned you not to fight him. The Salarian Union would never have survived all these years if those STG guys were not clever, brutal bastards."

"Oh shut up already." Gibbs leaned his head back against the ropes and moaned again. "And get me another bag of ice!"

END


End file.
